“It is only with true love and compassion that we can begin to mend what is broken in the world. It is these two blessed things that can begin to heal all broken hearts.”
Life, the Truth, and Being Free
To my Carrie ....
You mend my heart a little bit more each day.
When you met me, I bled blood everywhere,
and splattered my broken heart on the floor.
Hemorrhaging my life, grief was my companion.
Tears were my constant friend,
falling to the floor, puddles.
Walking in them, the splash of pain,
splotches of blood floated on the surface.
I found myself, slowly becoming smaller,
as sadness wore away more foundation.
I found that there was nothing that could fix,
that which seemed so forever a ship broken.
My first mate, left the ship,
but the crew stood behind me.
I felt solace in their attempt to keep me afloat,
until another mate came to be.
First mate know, I harbor no ill will.
It was a moment where the storms blew hard.
it was a time when nothing seemed right,
and you feared you might drown.
Then, the good crew had left the ship,
those who sailed with me for so long.
The ship was older it seemed,
and the crew was destined for greater things, as is the way of life.
Then, I was broken from my mooring by a fierce gale,
I'd not been tied there tightly enough, my fault.
The dock slowly collapsed in the storm and I followed,
the path of the gale, almost breaking up on the rocks it left me on.
And the heart of my hull ruptured,
and the blood of my life spilled free.
I sat, on the rocks, unsure of my fate,
for all had changed in that storm, and I was lost.
A broken heart is an interesting thing,
for some understand it's depth,
some wish to ignore it and hope it will go away,
some stand there, in shock and horror, fixated on it.
There are those who console without understanding,
and those who console without compassion.
There are those who console, without consoling,
and then, there are those like you, who just console in all.
My hull rotted and smelled of the garbage of my life,
stinking like trash cans standing in the sun.
Then, from nowhere was the slight wiff,
fresh air that come literally from above (Canada!).
So, I evolved in that fresh air,
from the rotting hull of a ship.
Into the man that I was,
smelling the air that surrounded me.
Swiftly the sweet air moved into my life,
taking the stench out, smelling like the fresh cut grass of spring,
and the flowers blooming on a warm, rainy day.
Sun and warmth returned to my life.
Then, in an instant it seemed, we were married.My life, my happiness, doubled, tippled and I was happy.
The garbage and it's stench were removed from my life.
Though once in a while, I could smell the dump far away.
Your love and compassion though would overshadow all,
and your heart took mine and stopped it's great fall.
Then just when, I thought it was at it's best.
You granted me a wish, that I thought was beyond belief.
Then the light of our love gave us more purpose.
A spring warmth to your great cleansing sun.
Even though demons try to destroy us,
We know what is right, and what is an illusion.
(to borrow from Pink Floyd)
And together our love will meet all challenges.
Though from time to time my hearts wounds still leak.
You are the power that heals each one, every time.
Your might propels my happiness.
We shall stand fast now - and become more as one.
Your love will serve mine, in happiness and fun.
My love will protect you, in all that there is.
We will be perfect together, and protect each other.
For there be rough waters ahead,
as life always has to offer.
Yet you are my lifeboat forever,
and you may seek your refuge in my hearts harbor.
I am always yours my dear Carrie,
you are the one I've always dreamed of.
You are magnificent and the grace that quells my pain,
even when it comes now, at the oddest of moments.
Gales, pain, life be damned.
When you are by my side, I can fight any fight.
I can walk the path to mending my heart,
though the path is long, with you it seems light.
For it took me a long time to walk that path of pain,
and the road back is long and full of traps.
Emotional traps, gremlins from the past,
all wait to capture me in their snares.
They do not know the pain I've known,
and they do not know that I will fight until I die.
They do not know how much I value truth,
how much I value my legacy, and will fight for it.
With you by my side, nothing is ever lost,
for you are the keeper of my soul.
The protecter of that which was once shattered,
in ways I didn't even really realize.
Getting to you was a rocky road,
and the road still has it's bumps.
As you sit by my side, we hold hands,
and drive into the sunset.
And we don't care how poor the road is,
holes and rocks may be waiting down the road.
In love and truth we drive confident,
that the end will always find us arm in arm.
The universe will say, in the end,
"Good job - well done".
and we shall enter into it's rest,
being the example of love for all else.
And the universe will look at the blood I lost,
and it will weep just a little bit.
for the stories, even from the begining,
that I will tell by the comforting fires.
To those who are the comforters,
come and join me by the fire and let me thank you.
To those who were the tormenters,
come and join me by the fire and I shall forgive you.
Let those who lied, learn the truth.
Let those who besmirched me, learn that I am not that bad.
Let those who loved me, embrace me again.
Let those who I've missed, fill my heart to it's brim.
Children, all of whom I love dearly,
let them sit beside me so I many converse with them.
Grandchildren, who I await...
Let them play amongst those of all that come.
Come my family and friends, all, present and past.
Enjoy the fire and the feast with us.
We open our arms to you all,
and extend our love around you too.
And may my life's companion and sweet love,
the one who has made my heart and life sing sweetly.
Let her sit with me at the feast, surrounding the fire,
Let me sing her praises, and kiss her fondly.
Let me calm all her hurts and woes,
let me hold her close, and give her love.
Let us sit together, warm by the fire,
and embrace in an eternal kiss of true love.