Sunday, March 30, 2014

A good man goes to war...

For those who understand... and those that don't.... I am a good man - forced to go to war.

While I am not the doctor, and while armies may not change that the mention of my name... this video is so true in so many way.... all in fear of me....

Demons run
when a good man goes to war.
Night will fall and drown the sun
when a good man goes to war.
Friendship dies and true love lies,
Night will fall and the dark will rise,
when a good man goes to war.
Deamons run will count the cost,
The battle is won.
But the child is lost.

Enter Demons run....

Monday, March 24, 2014

When you love someone....

Someone I once cared about (and still do, I never really stop caring about those people who I have loved - when you read my definition of love you will see why) wrote something about love and how much of a waste it is.

This got me to thinking about love and what it is, and what it is not. So I penned the following...

When you love someone, you never turn your back on them - no mater what.
When you love someone, you choose to see the positive rather than the negative.
When you love someone, you act - not react.
When you love someone, you trust them regardless of what anyone else says.
When you love someone, you only care about the truth, not the supposition.
When you love someone, you are not easily fooled by the musings of others.
When you love someone, you are not lead away like a helpless sheep.
When you love someone, you don't set fires.
When you love someone, you don't run at the first signs of fire. Instead you help to pull them out of the fire.
When you love someone, you give of yourself totally.
When you love someone, you leave your vanity behind.
When you love someone, they fill up your heart.
When you love someone, they don't break your heart.
When you love someone, forgiveness is a given even if they break your heart.
When you love someone, implicit forgiveness is not taken advantage of.
When you love someone, you don't break their heart.
When you love someone, you forgive them when they do break your heart.
When you love someone, you let the little things go.
When you love someone, you don't let lies divert you from the truth.
When you love someone, you always seek the truth until it's been found.
When you love someone, you open your heart, knowing that it can be crushed.
When you love someone, you never crush their heart.
When you love someone, you ask for forgiveness when you crush their heart.
When you love someone, you give forgiveness when they crushed your heart.
When you love someone, you are bold. Love is not for the weak.
When you love someone, you stand by them even if they are crushed.
When you love someone, you take energy from them.
When you love someone, you give them your energy.
When you love someone, you find a way.
When you love someone, you do not flutter that love away, like it was bought at a five and dime store.
When you love someone, you treat it like it was the highest of honors.
When you love someone, regardless of if you sit in the darkness or the light, they can always be your light.
When you love someone, your anger is controlled.

I once loved someone. I once loved her in all of these ways. Yet, she didn't realize what she really had. When someone lied about me, she turned her back on me and the love I offered her. Rather than investigate the truth, she assumed the lie was true. She allowed others to convince her that the lie was true. She never made an effort to try to discover the truth, I think because she knew she was too weak to stand up to the others should she refuse to compromise in light of the truth. It's so much easier to believe a lie when that lie makes your reality easier to deal with. Almost always, in the lie, is the easiest path to follow. The ease is borne out of fear as the path to truth can be painful and require more of us than than the path to the lie.

And yet, in the lie, there is damage unseen and untold until, perhaps, it's too late. For there is another that she loved, you see, who was even more damaged by this lie. The sad thing is, that person, well, that person deserves the best of her and that person isn't getting it. Yet, if she read this (and she might) - she would wrap herself up in anger rather than step back and ask if what I'm saying might be true.

You see, I know things. I know things that were done and things that were not done. I see the path this other person is going down, because of her actions. I see the future, and while there is still hope for this other person, I fear that the hope dwindles every day that the lie is allowed to live. Hopes for his future dwindle every day he's allowed to live in the lie and not face the truth. Yet, she lacks the ability to face the truth. She lacks courage. She lacks Wisdom. She is caught up in her own story, and the story of the other is muddled. She is a figure that could have been great, but now is so pitiful.

Awash in her own misery and her own story, she does not realize that what she gave up in her failings was someone that would have stood by her side as she now faces a very great challenge that will stand with her forever. Her challenge is life changing, and I would have stood by her in this change and loved her forever. Even now, I hurt for what she is going through and what she will go through in the future. Even though you turned your back on me, I still care about you. How ironic. It is who I am though... Someone who I think highly of once told me I was the most forgiving person ever. Maybe that's true. For I forgive you, always and forever.

I could say so much about her, and this is my outlet. The funny thing is that love is forgiving. I shall always forgive you ... even in your ignorance and in spite of the pain you have caused me and are causing me. I shall also be thankful, for when you turned away from me, I found another.

It's a shame that you could not be more like River Song... But then, if you were, I'd never have met my Carrie. Still.... the sentiment on forgiveness is very true... I shall always and forever forgive you.

It's really so sad.

In the loss of her love, a truly great thing happened. A seed was planted and out of that seed a greater love was given to me. That love has been forged in fire and tears but it is all the stronger for it. My dearest love, carrie, is strong and amazing and she owns my heart now. Our child, Amelia, is The most amazing child there ever was. She even has her own blog at My other five children are amazing...

carrie is greater than the one who turned away from me in ignorance and anger. She has taken a heart that was crushed into more pieces than I thought possible and healed it. While I still love the other, and she has a place on the love shelf in my heart, it is my carrie that fills my heart now and makes my days worth living. It is carrie that I have total trust in and for who every statement you see above, of what love is, applies.

This video made me think of what carrie and I are.... and what this other person and I could have been if she'd only tried.... Oh my dear, you lost so much. Here is another video that makes me think of you dear carrie...

The other.... she loves music. Maybe this one will help you understand.

No mater what happens... my life has already been fuller than yours will ever be. That, my dear, is your own fault.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Without reflection - we go blindly on our way...

Without reflection we go blindly on our way,
creating more unintended consequences,
and failing to achieve anything useful.
- Margaret J. Wheatley

I know someone that chooses not to reflect on anything before her. She chooses to avoid anything that might shatter her world view, even if in the end the resulting truth and understanding would be so much better for her and those around her.

The unintended consequences of this have been horrific, and yet she can't realize that it's her action, and inaction, that have caused the consequences that have touched many lives around her. Bury your head and it will go away, instead of look around and face the truth.

Her failure to truly focus on the truth that lies before her (pun intended), and to accept that the fault, the lies and the untold damage that has been caused are in great part her fault. This is because of her choice to blindly follow a path that was set before her by others.

What is so odd about this is that this person is one of the smartest people I know. I find it hard to believe she is incapable of critical thinking.

Friday, March 07, 2014

Yoda on fear...

4. “Fear is the path to the dark side…fear leads to anger…anger leads to hate…hate leads to suffering.” The Phantom Menace
It's funny to me how a person will love something and yet fail to apply the truths of what they love in their life. Anger was never the revealer of truth. Nor was blind trust - in anyone.

On being mistaken...

This exchange in Star Wars VI appeared in my mind today...

The Emperor:  “I’m looking forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master.”
Luke:   ”You’re gravely mistaken. You won’t convert me as you did my father.”
The Emperor:  “Oh no, my young Jedi. You will find that it is you who are mistaken, about a great many things.”

It's funny how we can be just so sure of something to the point that it blinds us to the truth, as in the case of the Emperor here. He was just sure, because of his great and fabulous knowledge of the dark side of the force,  that he would be able to turn Luke. He figured his right hand Man, Vader, even though he was Luke's father, would never betray him - even in the light of the fact that we know that the Emperor saw that Luke and Vader would someday overcome him together he was cocky, confident and over sure about himself.

What the emperor lacked was humility and a willingness to admit that he just might be wrong. He was so sure of himself that he lacked to ability to accept that, just maybe, he might have made a mistake. He didn't understand Vader's feelings for his son, for they were so clouded by the dark side that they were hidden from the Emperor.

Just maybe we sometimes have the same problem. Maybe we misplace our trust in people that we think are trustworthy (as the Emperor did in Vader) and maybe, just maybe, the people who we think are our enemy are really our friends (as Luke and Vader became). Sometimes we have to be willing to step outside our comfort zone (as Vader did) to see what the truth really is. Sometimes we have to love so strongly (as Luke did) to maintain the relationship until the other finally makes that step and learns the truth. While Luke might well have died in his attempt to save his father, in the end he was successful because he was just and right and he followed the light.

Sometimes, when we decide that darkness is all there is, we need someone to help us find the light. I know someone right now that needs light in a very bad way. I hope you find it and I hope you can embrace it when you do. Love is never about convenience, fairness and sometimes it's a unilateral thing. I am fortunate to have loved and to be loved now by an amazing woman. I am fortunate that she understands me and loves me as deeply as she does. She is my best friend, my soul mate, my wife and she means everything to me.

Still, there is one that I wish I could reach out too in order to touch her and heal her. My heart hurts for her, knowing all that she is going through. Knowing her medical situation. Knowing her personal heartbreak. It hurts because I still care for her. It hurts for her because of the things she believes are true that I know are not true. It hurts because while relationships end, I do not believe that true love really ever does. It takes its appropriate place in your heart when the one you love leaves you, but it's still there.

Yet, the love I have now for my wife is far beyond that which I ever had for the one I am concerned for. When I hurt, it is my wife's arms that I crave. When I'm happy, it's her smile I want to see when I tell her good news or a funny joke. When I have success, it's my beloved Carrie who I want to share all of that with. I can tell Carrie anything - I feel no judgement, I feel no attempt to change me - I feel total acceptance for the person I am. I feel a love from her that is beyond question and unconditional. I've never had that before. Unconditional love is an amazing thing. Open communication is an amazing thing.

Yet, I still care for this other and always will. It is who I am and my beloved Carrie understands this feeling inside of me. I will stand and say "all is forgiven" today, a year from now or on my death bed. All is forgiven.

Luke only touched his fathers heart at the last moment as Luke's life was near an end - and sadly what became the end of his fathers life. In anger his father waited too long to accept reality and to reject the anger and darkness that filled his heart. I fear that this one might never come to understand the truth and accept it. I fear she will choose to remain in darkness for the rest of her days.

And that is the saddest part of all....

Let go of your anger and your hate and look for the truth and the light. You will be shocked what you find. It takes a bit of work to find the truth sometimes, but it's damned worth the effort.

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