I was reminded yesterday that life is short and a great gift. A friend of mine, Jodie, died yesterday morning. She had struggled for quite some time with Kidney issues and finally succumbed to the disease.
In the light of her death I'm reminded that life is short and that in it, there are no guarantees. Time ticks on and we are subject to it. As such, I find myself thinking about so many things and wondering about the meaning of it all.
In my mind, it's weird to think that before 1965, I did not exist and as such I didn't care if I was alive or not for I was not conscious of life itself. Now, having been born and living in the world, conscious of all that is in it, I find that I rather like life and the idea of leaving it does not appeal to me in the slightest - Heaven notwithstanding. I find myself a bit shell shocked at the death of Jodie... saddened and reflective about a great many things.
So, I hope that you will look at your life and remember that it is finite.... make the best of it, and be the best you can be. Try to throw off the shackles of the past that hold you back and look forward to the future. Look forward to being better than you were. Look forward to being happier than you were. Look forward and then make it happen. See the future and make it so.
Engage.
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One of my Mormon friends from grade school died a few months ago. He was Ops Manager in a Utah 911 center, keeled over from a heart attack at work. I found out from facebook. I remember talking about how far in the future the year 2000 was, how old we would be, and what cool things (there was a TV show at the time called The 21st Century, and the aerospace industry was big in our area).
Well, now I'm old, I'm the same age as my dad when he died, and my older kid is the same age as me then, and I've been near death several times over the years. Sometimes I think "these are the good old days," sometimes I think things were better in 1965, when us kids could ride bikes down to the sea, or make 8MM films with my dad's camera. We were so innocent, we had no clue we would be part of a cancer cluster, my neighbor would join Manson, another would suck a shotgun, several would go to 'Nam and none would come completely back. Change a few details and it is just like nowadays, except things are going downhill. My best friend stroked out and can't talk anymore. I've seen the future and recoiled. The only thing I really have to look forward to is my kid's futures.
Yeah... I think for the last two years or so I've had a really hard time feeling optimistic about life in general.
I remember growing up.... what happened to the moon bases, the missions to Mars and all of that. I so looked forward to that and now all I get to look forward to are new HST images ... which are nice but I want to see us *in* space... exploring, touching, growing...
I've not had many close to me die yet... a few, here and there... I'm not looking forward to the day when it becomes more commonplace.
I do look forward to the day when we have flying cars though... and I'm determined to live until man sets foot on Mars.
Some very good words already. Let me add a little of my own experience.
In the last 10 years I've lost so many family and very close and old friends, sometimes it feels like "WTH am I still doing here!".
It gets that way when I hear of another one going, or in the few special days I set aside to remember those gone and honour their memory.
What gives me the drive to continue is to concentrate now on those things I've always told myself: "one day I have to do that". Sort of a private "bucket list". Not as ambitious as the one from the movie, I can't afford that! But enough to keep me busy.
Like:
Go back to East Timor, which I did in the last 2 years.
Go and visit Malaca, Malaysia - planning that now.
Go and see a live volcano - likely later this year.
Go visit Lord Howe island - next year or 2014.
And there is a kayak in there somewhere - for that fishing spot in Narrabeen lake that has been laughing at me for the last 8 years!
Yeah, reeks of On Golden Pond. Hey, I don't care! :-)
Small joys, I know. But the sum of them keeps me with a target. Earlier on I'd have loved sharing them with family and old friends. Now, I just want to be there once and think of them. It does help.
It's funny... for the LONGEST time I was ALWAYS the young buck DBA in the group. The other DBA's were usually somewhere between 5 and 15 years older than I was. Now, I look around and *I* am starting to become the older one. Blech!! I've been doing this Oracle DBA thing for over 20 years now.... such a long time.
Maybe we need to have the "Oracle DBA Bucket List World Tour". Get together about a dozen of us together, align our bucket list items, setup a big seminar in the areas we want to go and head out!!
As I look back in my life, loss has come in many forms. Death of course... loosing my mother to suicide at 15, and finding her dead body, was traumatic in and of itself.... divorces.... being separated from two very special women in my life who I was not married to... My friend Jodie just now.... And others.
Yet life is amazing and wonderful and beautiful. Each of my kids is an amazing testament to that fact. I damned well better not outlive any of them.
I think that any loss probably makes you very reflective on life and loss in general. Certainly that is the case with me this week. Also lots of soul searching and sadness.
Hi Robert,
Sorry to hear about your friend my condolences. My favorite uncle passed away a few years ago at only 55. For me, I am learning to fly a dream I always had and last year I learned to scuba dive! So figure now or never to do all the cool things.
Best,
Ben Prusinski
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